Good day to you my fine friends, today’s picture brings to you an accompanying funny tale of a cat, coif, a caper and near catastrophe.

I had been pet watching for a no-longer friend of a no-longer friend in my constant quest to quell the ludicrous myth I harbour envy of sooo cute pets and kids, what clay-brain would believe such tosh, I love both kids and pets, I can only eat one at a time mind, just joshing, just joshing.   Well on with the tale I am renowned for not only my entertainment and Star status but my love of the art of coiffure yes what I cannot do with sharp and toothy implements has not yet been invented.

Well my ever-hair-admiring-optical-organs that cannot look upon an unruly mop without an uncontrollable urge to take charge and tame wayward tresses were firmly affixed on my little tortoise shell, bizzarlee didn’t look like a hybrid, ward as I find a random pattern arrangement on a pet an artistic and pleasurable challenge so I did place said pet in the salon area, hastily improvised from the receptacle for cleansing of household utensils and the like, well actually first I placed him by wholly innocent accident in the garbage disposal and well I cannot relate more as I’m prone to faint if I ponder on squeamish occurrences. Well thankfully said mistake was rectified without too much detriment except to the non muscular extreme tip of the pets tail. Quite a hair-raising or losing event.

So pet was placed in perfect position for performing the process of transforming from average household pet to cool and charismatic cat.  

Now I had no product for performing stylish creations to hand, as I had not arrived with intent to transform said pet, no I had acted entirely on impulsive whim at instant sight of  le chat's apparent unruly shag but thankfully I recalled to mind a rather interesting Tinterwb session whereby I had learned a number of uses, from edible to adhesive to artful purpose, of a wheat-flour and water combo with a goodly number of above average ratings, so particularly remembering its ability to affix items in stable position but not having total recall, therefore improvising, as to ratio’s I knocked up a cocktail of said wonder wheat and smothered the pet in his entirety ready to perform an apparently casual, yet connivingly contrived, tussled tresses effect.   I massaged, manipulated and made a masterpiece as you evidence above.  I had barely stood back to non-too-modestly admire my work when  a  piercing shriek did play horrific havoc with my nervous system and there was M’laydee of the moggy in all her maddened and mortified  magnitude.

“ What the dickens (I substituted this word for original and wholly inappropriate one) have you done with my cat you fiend”

“Why M’aam you mean friend surely, why I have given him a designer makeover, a visual enhancement, a trendy style and for free and I’ll allow you to take advantage of my Star Status and bandy my name for endorsement purpose at no cost to your fine self, well other than the cost for sitting for safeguarding purpose,  look he’s highly delighted”

“Free makeover I’ll be highly delighted to give you a free duff-over you green freaky thing and I’ll be bandying more than your name alright come here I’ll bandy you so back and forth  between my fists you’ll need smelling salts to regain your senses, you’ve set my Ozzie in stone you stupid clod  ”

“No Madam tis no such concrete concoction tis non other than a cereal based fixative used in improvisation due to lack of styling product, you see my extremely handsome head is not just a hat rack or a mere public pleasuring piece no tis full of wondrous information and useful tips and…..... you know Madam I have decided to take offence as your tone and manner implies I wilfully or knowingly intended to cause pain or distress to this, hmmm admittedly rather immobilised pet here when all that occurred was on my part a little role play of artisan endeavouring to acheive artistic hair effect for the visual enhancement of your pet”

 “Of course he’s immobilised alright it sets like stone that stuff, come here I’ll immobilise you…. and she made a non too laydee like lunge which thanks to the aid of quick wit I dodged.

“Madame all is not lost he could be improvised as a decorative piece for your, I did note rather pretty garden, and I’ll bet you not be bothered with pesky winged types with his permanently affixed feral looking face on your front lawn therefore reducing the fecal deposits that play havoc with your painted facade ”

Now I nearly didn’t dodge that lunge.

Or that, why I think its time to depart.

So I manoeuvred with the incredible coordinated capability of a stealth bomber to avoid detection detainment and inevitable detriment and shouted in a final goodwill gesture “Madam a lengthy period of immersion in water might suffice to rectify this, I still feel stylish appearance, taking extreme caution not to leave him unguarded for fear of a disastrous aquatic accident if he should overbalance, and if you could send my fee for……  and I manoeuvred even faster to evade the piercing pain of her shrillest shriek.