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Awwh!  look at the poor pitiful pet, it transpires that some presumed third party did grass up this 'ooooh I'm soooo cute' kit-cat.   I harbour no evidential or even mildest notion of whom practiced this foul play but yours truly was witness to the actual foul play resulting in said pitiful plight' and will therefore relate the incident.   There was my goodself contemplating on a momentary indulgence of my extreme handsomeness and exceptional talents and what life brightening joy it must be for others to partake in the pleasure of witnessing such a luminary as moi when lo and behold my flabber was gasted and I was stricken dumb as this seemingly innocent, but clearly cat culprit, did go and boldly perform a bodily innards blunder before my very own optical organs. Now the not so bright, or perhaps mere victim of blight, bounder had had either the blatant audacity to ignore his specifically littered lavatorial location or was the unfortunate victim of a definitely not anticipated solid mass to liquid metamorphism mess no doubt resulting from a definitely disastrous dietary dinner decision that wreaked intestinal havoc of only the most embarrassing kind.  Either possessing a care not attitude, or not being brightly endowed enough with the foresight to note he was on a, and I must say I did note highly decorative, marbled floor covering with no apparent means to evade discovery of the non too pleasant Nay! horrific evidence,  no! for what appeared acres or miles, dependant on your native tongue, was there to be seen even a non-luxurious half an inch of wool or mere synthetic twist or tuft to be found for which to embed the deposited cack.  Well once the disgusting deed had been unduly delivered on the designer decor with the aforementioned lack of possible disposal, the abominable pet before my very own delicate constitution did perform a hasty manoeuvre incorporating his own fluffy covering to mop up the offending stool with a quick shimmy combined with a simultaneous and watchful eye for witnessing bodies.  Yours, almost retching, truly did proclaim my utter and unshakable disgust and stropped off in search of air and suffice to say I hold no sympathy for the clearly distressed wretched pet and firmly hold the belief the grass, if ever such person exists was indeed a person of honour, possessing the courage to consider the public interest and moral duty and I’ll bet he was exceptionally handsome to boot!

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