Finest of days to you my utterly barmy friends.   Today’s picture from LemMe’s bizarre world of tomfoolery and shenanigans posed a number of perplexing possibilities before the true situation did transpire.

You could be forgiven for your first cursory, therefore possibly negligent on your part, as was and I hold my hand up, mine own also, glance resulting in a quick covetous desire to have a bambino type bash on this seemingly super-plush-covered-deluxe contemporary version of those super retro 70’s space hopper, hippety hop type mounds of rubbery fun travel modes, yes yours, nearly duped, truly did, on coveting said covet, render him-self moments away from a surely catastrophic, pardon the pun, furred feline fang and talon attack.  Thankfully a cats whisker, again apologies, alone, separated the seconds before confiscation of the assumed mode of childhood conveyance for a fast and furious fun fest of  buoyancy bound bon voyage and surely resulting launch of savage and physically appendege’d, to moi, assault had I manhandled the, and I had noted rather inadequate ear styled, handles as intended.  

Well if this was not the mistaken mode of carriage what on earth, but clearly not of earth, was this bizarre, very voluptuous therefore defying all known spacial stereotypes, beast.   I ask you here to cast another, not so cursory glance at the pictorial evidence of alien optical organs.   Well all of a sudden, cosmically categorised critter, did purr as any domestic feline of earthly origin and I realised I had possibly chanced upon a part alien part pet hybrid no doubt  a result of some untoward abduction by intergalactic, possibly time travelling, pet bandits who had performed probingly alien type tests and secret surgical skills potentially involving one of the afore mentioned modes of expedition espace.

Perhaps, I thought, this cross galaxy breed had been left with an insatiable desire to consume incessantly to fuel its alien needs why its extensive girth could be no more than a gluttonous banquet and sluggish digestive system and I was about to depart as I did not want to fall foul of a potentially hazardous incident involving an, admittedly potentially impressive, possibly record breaking, animal type fur ball specimen.

In the midst of this ponderous perplexing plight, a person, a fine laydee, did perambulate amidst our party and pose the question as to whether we had seen a tiny tot of specific and portly description well yours, with potential pennies dropping at alarming rate, did fear a catastrophic cat-cuisine-kid-consumption incident of ginormous given the, still to be proved evidence, proportion

I wondered how best to impart my consternation to this fine laydee and thought I would make enquires as to the strength of bond between mother and offspring and wondered if a pup or two might provide as a suitable rectifying alternative. and was about to embark on disclosing the dastardly disaster but thought would I give a mitigating character reference of some type for fat cat to perhaps maintain some civility to the circumstance.

“Well before I do state facts M’aam, which are not entirely of this pets fault madam, no, in his defence I must state he is of feral descent and therefore prone to hunt fast food, tis the result of menagerisation by man and, to boot, his is the part spawn of alien source therefore the fact he is a ‘bad un through and through’ and yes tis apparent in his alien eyes, look he’s ready to pounce his portly self to duff-over all that his fancy chances,but  tis irrevocably part of his characteristic make up, why he could be considered a victim himself and then I was just about to inform M’laydee of all suspicions when she did impart an extremely audible shriek which I assumed would have murderous consequence but the awful noise was in fact of jubilation as the prodigal enfant son  had returned, well relief was to be enjoyed in abundant but the perplexing ponder-inducing pet problem was not resolved at to the said pets apparent state.

Well yours, nearly looking a buffoon , truly did playfully punch space-chat of spatial fat in his cumbersome girth in attempt to lighten the situation and was simultaneously, enlightened, repulsed and covered in his bodily innards expulsion of particulate matter as it did transpire the blunder puss pet had nothing more than a flatulent plague and yours, covered in faecal, not space, dust, truly did fall well and truly foul of this fact.