Good Day my fine friends today’s tale is sadly of a fellowship nearly fallen foul of sourness through wooing rivalry.

We, the above evidenced parties, were embarking on a quest to court feminine company and yours, usually the glad-eyes choice, truly had succumbed to harbouring feelings of inadequacy and lack at my pals bountiful and without doubt irresistible hair arrangement.    It had apparently harnessed the power to bring about, a bout of, envy from any fop or dandy with its outlandish yet strangely elegant, almost feminine flamboyancy and it admirably defied natural forces as twas not even remotely badly travelled despite parading the streets in an above average breeze, alas I had to concede there was no known defence for such an effective wooing tool.

I felt it might be in my own best interest to chip, chip, chip away at his manly and most confident air in order to ensure I might not be a mere wallflower to his exotic orchid, unfortuitously for moi he held his own.

“My friend tis most fortunate you sport such a redeeming hairpiece as your errrm other wooing equipment is not exactly up to par and tis most unfortuitous you are unable to benefit from a boast you sport all your own dentistry”

“LemMe tis sad you are not only a shade of green on the outside but riddled internally with an envious hue ”

“ Envious of your copious thatch why tis ludicrous I’d rather be devoured by a ravenous dingo than sport something so unsanitary and might I add if any one body is to be riddled tis sure to be your not so good-self, WITH TICS”

“ Ahh those are the words of a coif-coveting fallow and barren headed bounder and I mean not a baron of noblese type, ha ha ha ha, why I cultivate hair without any effort, you know, I fancy to muster up a complementary moustachioed accessory to magnetise the laydees further who will be casting coquettes upon my fine self en-masse, you’ll need the aid of a neanderthal club to detract them.   Perhaps you should have a friend, if you know any such fool, to artistically affect visions of rabbits upon your follically-challenged self, as from a distance they might take on the appearance of hairs, ha ha, ha, ha, ha, why I wish I was attired in a belt to loosen to ease the glee that grips my girth, ha, ha such larks”

"Why you overly 1980's coiffed cad I refuse, point blank, to take receipt of such falsities or infantile ridicule and I declare your malicious attempts to throw into disrepute my unquestionable and extremely handsome qualities are dispicable, I therefore now challenge you to partake in a 2 minute session of, non-too vicious if you please, fisticuffs" 

Well what followed was somewhere betwixt a vigorous embittered assault of wrath and wrestle type and a tangible manly but still hostile embrace.  Now I suddenly harboured no desire for cuts, welts or other disfigurements and this pet, I knew, apparently lived in permanent threat of unkemptness ravaging his headpiece hence we came to a gentleman’s agreement to halt the fisticuffs and unhand each other, engaged in one more manly albeit amicably tarnished embrace, and wended our separate ways, he, I know not where, my self, to woo at leisure without competitive effort.