Good Day my fine friends, today you witness another cat type catastrophe.  Most of you will be aware of my numerous and past entrepreneurial ventures and may with fondness recall the larks during my foray into the world of, heroically restoring, horrifically blighted hairstyles due to my addictive, some might say unnatural, desire to tame an unruly coif.

A charlatan of personal psyche inquisition type might brand my overwhelming urges to tamper with, temper and fondle wayward locks down to the fact that I harbour an underlying resentment due to my own lack of hairy head-piece.  Well I not only pooh-pooh this ludicrous notion but take on the effect of a braggart and boastfully highlight the fact that I am perhaps to be envied due to this surely far more sanitary situation.

Well suffice to say despite whatever labels are bandied as to my personal traits, any entity whether beast or man sporting a fur or other follicle origin type covering bearing the brunt of a even a lightest breeze resulting in however minor a hair displacement could not escape the wielded implements of LemMe‘s whim.

On this particular occasion I had been visiting this fine establishment and goodly folks and had been teased and tortured for more than an hour by the sight of the house pet that sported a dishevelled and grimy array of fouled-up fur.  Well yours, unable to control my urge much like that old scissor happy and handed social outcast of renowned film fame portrayed by hmmmmmm Johnny Depp, truly did make up a fib of a necessity to visit the smallest room and simultaneously scooped up le shabby chat and trotted of to said room.  Once there, out I whipped an assumed appropriate tool of the trade which transpires twas nothing more than a temporary device for the removal of mustachio’s and none too efficient at that due to a no doubt, through thrift, overuse, a consequence of which there was not a satisfactory level of effectiveness to sate my urge.

Well, as always sharp of wit, I therefore nipped off on a quick quest for a suitable alternative and after a thoroughly inquisitive rummage about the habitat could find nought but this tweezer type implement which I was under the, I now believe erroneous, understanding twould work wonders in the removal of rouge hair.

Back in my makeshift salon I embarked on the practise of pluck.     Well!   Yon cad commenced on a frenzy of wild fang and claw type attack that not even a prising with the implements of purported pluckkery could remove from my person, in fact I would say 't'ad the reverse effect and said cat culprit, deeply embedded about my unfortuitous form, could not be removed until enticed after a considerable passage of time when his griping innards succumbed to the tin of fishy edible inducement offered by the perturbed pet owner, who himself in a fury enforced the removal of my pained person from his premises but not before I managed to impart. 

“ Those welts upon your pet are nothing less than the result of an instant karma comeback attack and woe betide you and your beast if my handsome visage is not restored to its usual state therefore as a consequence causing my good self to disfigure the public environment unless forced to embark on costly cosmetic correction which would the throw my naturally ravishing appearance into question, yes woe betide you indeed."