The Free Fare for Family Flatulence Fiasco

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Good Day my fine friends I would wager my cats top teeth that you will be reeling with consternation at this blatant enticement to deliberately downwardly-spiral public decency. I tried as I might but could not mask my disappointment with this establishment and I felt overwhelmingly compelled to withdraw any intention I harboured to patronize it with my purchases. Therefore twas to their misfortune that I spent the princely sum of $3 elsewhere.

In days of yore a bodily innard blunder was a function of private type but in these times of modernity it seems such is not merely encouraged but amply rewarded if publicly performed for purposes of acquiring passing trade using such promotional activity as to encourage the power of pester by gluttonous young. Twould seem the guitar or even mere percussion instruments have become passé as pleasurable forms of entertainment and patron procurement.

Why! I `virtually` lived for almost a Decade with those prolific Waltons with my weekly armchair view of their family of effervescent offspring amok those lush mountains of Virginia and despite the consumption of a veritable bounty of root vegetables by all the young of this clan not once even during an unusual unruly bout of disobedience from one of the rural rascals did any semblance of a bodily innard blunder occur why not even Chance the Cow the faithful and the fruitious bearer of the daily bounty of dairy goods and whose bovine beasty types are renowned for such gusty deliverances that do wreak havoc with the Global layer of protective Ozone was heard to release either in accidental or deliberate mode a passing of faecally foul air.

Well I had a number of those cuss type words upon the tip of my ready-to-rant tongue but thankfully tempered their release but not until I boldly uttered the word balderdash and why it felt good to relieve such pent up perturbence. I felt it my duty on behalf of the good public to inform the proprietor that this was an unacceptable promotion and perhaps one of those admittedly-not-so-new-fangled coin-operated machines with phonographic discs of popular ditties was surely bound to ensure some kind of trade without bidding good-riddance to respectability.

Well suffice to say I began to deliver my disgruntled mind and was, I believe with retrospect, subliminally influenced to participate therefore rendering me a party to this morally questionable perpetration, and found myself partaking most pleasurably in a free food and flatulent fest and thought, why! let some other buffoon embark on setting the world to rights.

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