The Portly Protusion Pride Palave

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Good Day my fine friends

Today I can hear you ask of yours truly, is this picture that I bring to you of the latest haute couture or homespun innovation borne out of that old mother of invention, pesky necessity, well I beg you, niggle your cerebral matter not, just bask in the obvious pleasure M’Chap, the maverick here, is engulfed in.

This picture, though silent, indeed does speak the legendary thousand words and though on an initial leisurely glance 'tas the effect of a rebellious anthem that waxes `I bear my slender lack with pride and my gluttonous gut screams bring me a bounty of fodder and manly beverage and be done with all that low fat, no carb, beer-be-gone, palaver` the pedants among you will note the alleged rebel is, as is apparen't in the pictorial evidence, ready to partake in what, without further evidence or sworn oath to credulously nay-say my allegation, appears to be a beverage of dietary type therefore perhaps a total contradiction to this stance of apparent valiant, but mayhap misrepresentative, individuality.

However may I draw your attention back to the garb of unique style and might I bandy my own personal opinion that I have not seen anything so fetching or of nonpareil since the launch of the tabard.

I boldly ventured to request as to whether the bearer of the portly protrusion would be offended or disturbed if I were to either caress, pat or prod, even at arms length with a lengthy wooded implement, the fascinating attraction as I felt overwhelmingly drawn to its mass and in all fairness the owner of the appendage was indeed practically publishing a legally enforceable public `invitation to treat` or at the least potentually perpetrating an entrapment.

Well midst my entangled web of admiration, attraction and amongst other emotions a tad of envy, I myself bore the brunt of M’Chaps grandiose display as the vehicular conveyance bounder that arrived to transport me homeward bound did on arriving at the rendezvous not note my good self tucked away behind the gargantuan girth and departed in an apparently disgruntled state vowing to wreak vengeance on the wastrel cad who had hired his wasted cab and yours truly who was compelled to perambulate to my habitat in abysmal pouring weather, lived in fear of a duffing-over for a month or more.

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