The Duck Delicacies and Driving Dangers Debacle

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Good Day my fine friends today you evidence just one of a number of my random acts of kindness that modesty would forbid me to boast about but I demand of modesty “be-gone you unwanted bedfellow in order that I might tell all and sundry of my charitable deed and further I shall bestow upon myself a hearty patting of me back" and please dear reader note twas the kindly intent not the consequence that matters.

I was midst my morning perambulation when I chanced upon this vulnerable family of aquatic pets and decided to aid M’laydee Braveheart and her pond-bound offspring by bringing a halt to the vehicular traffic in order that said pets might cross the beast and toxic laden highway without delay to their coveted harbour of safety when this cad you witness here did approach with his lust for-a-feast of duck-a-L'orange no less, practically stamped upon his forehead.

I hollered for help to fetter his evident insatiable hunger and when none was forthcoming the bounder took up a fighting stance and started to state “I’ll have you know I’m the………

Well in defence of my wards and his prey, I turned and grimaced in order to bare my exceptional dental array, gave an accompanying grrrrrrr, boldly declared an intent to use these `weapons of potentially pretty serious detriment` should circumstances necessitate and said You Cad! I care not a jot if you’re the Almighty, if you sport that ravenous look you will not be allowed within spitting, not of the roasting type, distance of these feathered bairns, as long as there’s breath coursing my handsome physique you will not sink your dentates into these potential dishes of delicacy.

Well vehicular horns were honked, unruly types hollered, the fiend was momentarily distracted by some vengeful vehicle owner and there was a shenanigan of unmentionable type between the parties of adjacent vehicles from which I deduce a marriage should be in order, fast! But amidst this highway hell I escorted the feathered family away from the feast-seeking foe and drove them practically into the arms of, I assumed, their grateful farmer type who bumbled gratitudes rapidly thrust upon me a bounty for delivering his flock and legged it with a duck laden arms.

Well of I toddled, wallowing in my enrichment of not only spirit as a consequence of my kindly deed but most fortuitously with enough coinage to bring about a purchase of a couple of planks of nut riddled chocolaty treats when all of a sudden there was an untoward interference about my person, I was relieved of the means to barter for bars of coveted choclatl produce and I was suspended a disturbing number of feet above terra-firma whilst simultaneously looking into the feral face of the aforementioned feast-seeking highway-fiend whom errrm ahem, it transpired, after his heatedly informing my good self and much thrusting me hither and thither, was the rightful owner of the now long-gone and as further transpired most definitely-duck-delicacies as the fast cash cad was the purveyor of the local emporium of fine cuisine.

Well suffice to say a most unpleasant half hour was spent from which I might fall into a faint if I dwell on such a negative but in my defence I state I cannot be held responsible for my kindly-act-turned-sour as tis the presence of intent that decides an inherent crime. In my defence I state the owner was negligent on no less than two occasions the first instance resulting in the great escape and the second in choosing to partake in a tussle of fisticuff type midst his rather lame, I must say, attempt to bring to my attention his rightful claim to his itinerant property and, to boot, might I conclude by saying "just who's property created an offence of obstructing a public highway"

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