The Not Too Fortuitous Self Propelled Competitive Pet Catastrophe

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Good-day my fine friends today’s picture is of yours truly hosting the World Death Defying Doggy Jump Championship for self propelled competitors. Contenders have to execute a series of lengthy jumps over a consecutively increasing number of fodder deprived, therefore ravenous, and savagely trained canines of ample size.

Well as you can see here this particular contestant known as the Mad Maverick Moggy in the glitterati world of self propelled aerodynamic competitive circles was triumphantly past the unlucky thirteen stage and was indeed up to an almost record breaking leap of 15 Prey-hungry beasts.   Here he is captured on film preparing for the jump by honing his physical and mental state to a state of unsurpassable peak as he paced ‘The Walk of Feast or Fortune’.

He ambled nonchalantly and taunted the beasts to near frenzy as he knew it was `woe betide any rogue beast lunging for prey not in mid flight, yes twas a lifetime disqualification and public taunting with an appropriately adapted popular tune `Fools rush in.`   Once Mad Maverick was airborne however the competition knows no barriers and the hounds may leap to distract and catch their coveted booty of a pack-snack. Therefore the walk plays a significant role in the mental and physical preparation by assimilating the situation and assessing, pace, speed, height, etc.

Now amongst wagering types this particular infamous feline was always a 50-50 gamble as being only partially black he was, to potential competitive punters, only 50% fortuitous.

Well on the command of “Let the sporting begin” the congregated spectators must hush to the state of not a muff as the mildest distraction could turn this from a test of tenacity and sublime skill into a blood bath of fox / hound type fest   On said command the collective canines who in their pre-competitive relaxed state do at initial glance look nothing more than an unruly disarray of a multitude of rather splendid pets do leap and bay in almost synchronised frenzy at a potential feast

Well Mad Maverick had the crowd breathless with anticipation as he took a stance of competitive commencement and all congregated did bait their breath in readiness for my good-self to initiate the challenge which I dutifully did.    The Mad Mav commenced a lengthy run up, just as yours truly endeavoured to halt the proceedings due to, I had noted, a a small clump of fluff in his path, which according to rule 174 of the World Championship of `any` self propelled aerodynamic sport, and in particular in the Death Defying Doggy Jump there must be no article of obstruction of any kind in pre-propelled path. Well old 50-50-fortuitous odds was in mid competitive launch and apparently only one third over his flight path by the time my message to inactivate did transcend his spatial awareness

Suffice to say I will bear up under the shame of bandied accusations of attempting to rig said competition for perhaps fiscal benefit, which I vehemently deny, and stand firm in my stance that I was attending only to the call of my duty and adhering fastidiously to practise regulatory procedure, In mitigation I pleaded that Rule 175 had apparently been suspiciously removed by no doubt a rascally type of saboteur and due to this I had no knowledge that the offending fluff was classified as a particle not article therefore allowable, I also pleaded that due to Mad Mav being jolted by my attempt to halt said flight he had actually been inadvertently diverted off-course therefore fell, not into the baying pack but, to the far right and managed to hobble away despite apparently detriment to a couple of limbs and though unable to partake in competitive sports again, ever, he did not as some third rate sporty types do, fall foul to a fodder or merely fun fest of fox/hound type.

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