The Fancy Food Fiasco

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Good day my fine friends today as you can clearly see I was at a rather grand reception of the holy-grail-of-wooing type but was becoming increasingly irritated by my turbulent innards that had resulted from ravenous desires which were inflamed due to the looming vision of the tantalising spread of a slap-up-snack which loomed intermittently due to my hunger bringing about an almost-faint in which I swayed back and forth with uncontrollable abandon.

Apparently innards could not be tended to until all parties had been snapped for posterity through the customary practise of posed-for photography. Well after M’luverlee in arresting scarlet robe and M’chap were done the buffet was declared well and truly open.   Yours truly then embarked, with tremendous effort considering my by now malnourished state, on the most maddest of dashes before hunger conquered my feeble self and I swooned into a publicly prone state nested amok celebratory debris and the capture of which which would end up amok the Tinterweb and TV networks for all and sundry to howl at my pitiful plight.

Well I dashed past M‘laydee passing a courteous "I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure" whilst attempting to cast my best, and usually irresistible to all that befall its glance, glad eye of woo over her vision of luverliness. However I received a rather curt " No I don’t believe you ha…….Nay! I’m sure you never will.....", a foul eye of scorn and the threat of something or other which roughly translated amounted to a duffing over of my unfortunate self, and, I think 'twas from La-femme-fatal.  I replied "ooh look! chocolate" as 'tas been known to be a most effective diversionary attraction, and then I legged it, bound to the brim, with fodder feasting intent towards the edible heaven.

I stock piled as much said fodder as my weakened limbs could muster, secured a reasonably private harbour and nestled down to nest my face into the motley assortment of edibles. All was well until it transpires due to a chill factor I had been suffering and not wishing to incur an unsightly chafe I had turned on the nearest heating appliance.   As a consequence of my, I now realise, fool action the rather impressive and gargantuan, therefore we can assume not too inexpensive, ice sculpture depicting a heavenly host of cherubim did transform into a wrath-of-the-Gods-type-tidal-wave and flooded all the remaining wedding fare booty that had not succumbed to a similar fate from the onslaught of my encouraged heat wave. Well the chop and changing weather type waves caused a chain of catastrophe, uproar was everywhere and all were hunting for the buffoon that had turned on the heating to which I shouted “Look a highly suspicious bounder over there, see quick before he hot foots it, and I made my departure without haste thankfully due to my quick witted diversion.

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