Good day my fine friends, today’s picture of apparently congenially chit-chatting-chums chilling, literally I assure you, out, belies an escalating plight that has befallen the rightly perturbed people of my pet pal here.

I had embarked on a, ‘tee hee,’ freebie visitation to the outer Artic realms as a means to detox and distress from the increasing incivilities of man in a superficially civilised world.  My polar pal had assured me in his brief welcoming communication `It’s hotting up here LemMe old bean` therefore I had packed few togs for my excursion and subsequently was more than mildly miffed to incur a severe chaffing about my personage when there was not a hint of a raging temperature bearing down upon said personage's reasonable expectation.

Well by jove twas no leisurely vacation for yours spoiled truly and would you believe from the instant of my arrival it was whinge, whinge, whinge as all banter did border on the effects of mans self-centredness on my buddies barren clime, why I had fled here to escape those selfish cads and, to boot, twas most disagreeably colder than the innards of a highly efficient refrigeration unit and I duly informed my pal so and would you believe fell prey to a torrent of rage about such infernal devices being a further causation of my pals barely tolerable blight.

In an endeavour to enlighten the situation I passed a complimentary remark upon my amigos fine and slender physique.  “Buck up chum, buck up. look at your slender physique why there’ll be many a bimbette riddled with envy at such a willowy waistline, have you embarked on a fad of dietary type, that low carb malarkey, why you have whittled away to nought but, I must admit, a mighty fine sight of a snug rug and as such I told him why you’d best be sitting up as to a by-standing bounder you’re more than a fistful of dollars and nothing less than a fine accessory of scatter type for a trendy pad of some city gent or shallow superstar“.

“Nay LemMe that selfish man in his quest for fripperies of luxuries of unnecessary tat type comes at a cost to my clan yes tas a knock on effect of boiling up the old Globe and why my habitat will soon be dwindled away in a jiffy and that, my friend, is the causation of the ruination of my manly physique, tis through nothing less than ravage incurred from the extra bind of traversing afar for a feast, yes fast food is sadly a thing of the past.”

“Why” said I “ Ha ha tis a bitter irony my bellyaching buddy who would have thought loss of fast food would be a detriment to the constitution, why in warmer climes tis almost a murderous meal". 

“Well yes LemMe sadly now tis often more than a marathon trek and tread of much expanse of the old Mer, which is no mean feat with this cumbersome garb I assure you, for a gluttonous bout of guzzling that often I am fatigued in my quest for fodder why I should be regularly nesting into around a 100lb of blubberish banquet, but look!, avert-not your eyes LemMe, look and bear witness to the fact that I can barely muster up the ginger to boast about such.”

“Nay LemMe no one cares, why!  I’m surprised you in your shallow celebrity status have bothered to show concern and paid a visit to offer comforting succour”

Well suffice to say, I kept totally mum as to my inducement by promise of gratuitous vacation, exclaimed loudly, and if truth be told with a disgruntle, I am a Star not a mere celeb and finally heartily agreed that mostly man does not care not a jot for another sole if it blights himself and then fibbed and told him "Why I’ve had a thoroughly enjoyable time but must be heading homeward bound" and legged it to book a non too expensive jaunt to a sunnier clime.